Dead worrying : Simon Perry: Schemes, dreams & trivia

"I don't know where this Arctic wind has come from, but it's freezing.." Alan Green, Radio 5 Live (source:Colemanballs, Private Eye)

Dead worrying

10th April 2003 by Simon

Given the fluctuation in the level of truth in the PopBitch information, please take this at face value. If it’s true, I’m amazed that it wasn’t illegal before.

“Necrophilia is about to get banned in Britain.
The forthcoming Sexual Offences Bill includes
a clause that will, for the first time, make
it a crime to have sex with a corpse.

(FYI: Morticians will be exempt from this law. As will those who penetrate any part of a dead body “fully believing the person to be alive, but who is in fact dead, or unexpectedly dies during intercourse”.)”

Where do you monitor the level of job applications to become an mortition? I wonder if they will rise?

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Posted in Unexpected | Word count 125 Post ID 222 | 4,537 Views |

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49 Responses to “Dead worrying”

on 22 Sep 2003 at 11:42 am Gemma

i wondered if you could tell me how i become a mortition ive looked on websites and i cant find a thing about them and information, please help, im only 16 and this is wot i want to train to be
thanks
gemma
on 29 Oct 2003 at 4:44 am amanda

hi i am 20 yr old female and i am looking to become a mortition and i cant find anything on websites and nothing else i was wondering if you could help me thank you and have a nice day
on 16 Nov 2003 at 8:52 am teigan r

i was wondering if u could send me some information on being a mortition.. i want to know more and i cant seem to find anyting on the internet
on 16 Nov 2003 at 10:16 pm lakia

I was wondering if you could send me some information on morticians and how to become one, because I am thinking of taking up that profession.

Thank you
on 25 Nov 2003 at 4:03 pm Carol Sorensen

I was looking in to been a mortition and i really don’t know if this is for me. I think i would like to be one.
I’m 30 years old and i think i understand the meaning of what it means, but I don’t know anything about it.
I was wondering if you could send me some information about becoming a mortition, I will appreciate this.
on 05 Dec 2003 at 4:28 pm Robyn

PLease send me some information on being a mortition. I was searching on here and couldn’t find anything.this job reallly interest me.
on 06 Dec 2003 at 1:20 am Araceli

Hi
Im 15 years old and Im interested in finding out information about becoming a mortition. I cant seem to find anything on the internet. So if you can please send me information.
on 10 Dec 2003 at 4:33 pm Candy Velazquez

As soon as I graduate from High School I would like to work as a mortition, but I have no clue what it takes, so can you please send me some information on what it takes pleasssssse!!!!
on 23 Dec 2003 at 6:23 am Bea

I’m a high school student. who is very interested in becoming a mortiton. But i dont have any good information to help me out in learning more about mortitions or becoming one. can you please send me some info. ill appriciate
on 12 Jan 2004 at 3:17 am john

I’m a high school student. who is very interested in becoming a mortiton. But i dont have any good information to help me out in learning more about mortitions or becoming one. can you please send me some info. ill appriciate
on 13 Jan 2004 at 7:54 pm stuart

well yeah , i am 16 , 17 in march . i want to bea mortition, i have seens horrible things, dead bodies , people being stabed and live autiosy , i think i may have the stomach for it . i think it would be a very intresting job
on 14 Jan 2004 at 8:08 pm Jannelle King

I would like some info on becoming a mortition. Coulyou send me some please. Thank you
on 15 Jan 2004 at 9:07 pm MARGUERITTE HOFFMAN

CAN YOU PLEASE SEND ME INFO ON MORTICIAN SCHOOL OR WEB SITE THANKS….
on 17 Jan 2004 at 4:20 am tahlia

my comment is like everyone elses. I cant find sh*t about being a mortition. Ive been to my school they sent me to the councler fun trip. ive been to the funeral home nice people. Want to know more but stuck. thanks if you can help
on 18 Jan 2004 at 11:56 pm Nicole

I am looking for any information on becoming a mortition. I have looked on the internet and cannot find any information relating to any schools or certificates. So if you have any information that will help point me in the right direction, please email me, I would deeply appreciate it.
on 23 Jan 2004 at 6:01 pm Julie

Hi,

I’m 19 and an arts and science student at university and I just recently decided that I want to explore the possiblities of becoming a mortition. I was told that you don’t have to go to any special school for it and that it’s a trade so you’re hired and then taught the skill. I was wondering if this is true and if there are any courses that I could consider taking that would be helpful to me.
on 10 Feb 2004 at 7:55 pm patrick anspaugh

hey i was wanting to know if you could provide me with some kind of information on taking steps to become a mortitoin and let me know what kind of schooling you need to do so thanks
on 20 Feb 2004 at 5:51 pm C Sanderson

Try funeral director in your search engine and your local community collage
on 13 Mar 2004 at 6:43 pm BreAnna

Hi my name is BreAnna I am 13 and in the middle school I am interested in being a mortician is it to early to decide. I decided this on careerday every one thought it was weird does it mean i am wierd ?
on 19 Mar 2004 at 11:18 pm me

breanna, i think its great you have an idea of what you want to do so eary in life. dont let people talk you out of it. a mortician is as good of job as any and some one has to do it . i am very interested in death and ferensics (spelled wrong huh?) and stuff like that. i dont think it makes you at all weird. and neither is the job ..just beacause its not a regular 9-to-5 behinde the desk job… do what you want its your life and not theres. dont let the influence you!
on 30 Mar 2004 at 8:16 pm whitney

i would like to find information about becoming a mortition, pleace if you have any would you send it to me.
thanks you
on 31 Mar 2004 at 7:03 pm Keena Neal

I need some information about how to be a mortician and some info about morticians for a research paper in eng.10. I am 16 and i really would like to know more about this profession. i want to know what this profession has to offer and what it takes to be a mortician.
Thanks,
Keena
on 02 Apr 2004 at 4:22 am Tracey Torres

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN BECOMING A MORTITION. IVE LOOKED INTO THE TOPIC BUT CANT FIND ANY THING, COULD U PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT TO DO?
on 12 Apr 2004 at 3:38 am Hayley

I’m 15, and i want to be a mortition. I think that it would be the best job for me. But i cant seem to find a lot of info about it. It really makes me mad because their are alot of people who want to do this.
on 13 Apr 2004 at 3:01 am mel

http://www.mid-america.edu/Pages/aframe.htm
here is a web site for those intrestead in becomeing a mortition. this is just the one in my area (kentucky-indian). i am sure there are more. they do give good info.
on 19 Apr 2004 at 8:47 pm Autumn

Hi I am a university student and I so dearly want to become a mortician. Can you help me on choosing a school and give me more information on what I have to do to make this one dream of mine come true?
on 26 Apr 2004 at 4:32 am EMMALIE-KATE

I WOULD LIKE TO BECOME A mortician but i dont know if there is a collage or a uni that i can go to i am only 15 but i really want to become one.i know this is wird but i have this fashionnation about dead things and i all ready know hwo to preserve bugs but i would like to do some thing bigger than bugs i curently have 35 bugs in cluding a buttifly from africa so can you help me?
on 01 May 2004 at 1:14 am KrAzYjUgGaLeTtE

I LOVE DEAD PEEPOL! I WANNA BE A MORTICIAN!
on 05 May 2004 at 4:34 pm Jamie Palmer

I want to become a mortition. I have been looking up things about it and I can’t seem to find anything. Someone please help me. I think this would be a wonderful career for me. I have set my mind to it. I want to be a mortition.
on 09 May 2004 at 3:19 am Richelle

Ireally want to find info on mortician practice, its what I really want to do. Thanks!
on 11 May 2004 at 4:21 pm Jolly Friend

Hey i dont want to be a mortition and there is absolutly nothing on the internet on mortitions. I just want to see some picturs. well thats about it
on 28 May 2004 at 5:18 am Les Mignery

I am in the prosses of changing carriers and I was looking up info on mortition schools and I can’t find any. Could you send me some info?
thanks,
les
on 28 May 2004 at 9:39 pm Roxanne

My name is Roxanne and i am 15 years old and i want to know what classes i need to have to become a mortition and i can’t find anything on the internet so if you know anything please email me:)
on 28 Jun 2004 at 7:02 pm Natasha

Hi
im a high school student im 15 yrs old
and i am intreested in becoming a mortition,but i dont know the corses that are need fordoing this job could you please write me back and tell me the courses needed
thank you
dragongurl1414@hotmail.com
on 01 Jul 2004 at 3:21 am rose

Hi, I am looking to get information on how to become a mortiton, can you please help? Is there any to get info. on this? I have search the web and have come up with NOTHING, PLEASE send me info., on what type of schooling and basicly everything i need to know to get started with my career. Thank You!!
on 09 Aug 2006 at 9:21 pm Blue Ivy

HI,
I finally figured out that being a mortician is what I wanted to do!! I have looked on the internet for info but can’t seem to find any!! If u have any info please e mail me it would really help me out!!!
on 23 Aug 2006 at 9:01 pm laura eagers

Hi,

I am in the same situation as many people as I cannot
find any information on how to become a mortition.
I am really interested in it I always have been but never
knew how to go about it. Maybe you could help???

Laura
on 24 Aug 2006 at 10:38 am Simon

I fascinated by the number of people who’ve posted comments about this. There’s clearly a lot of interest in this - I’m genuinely interested in what the attraction is. I’d love to hear.
on 24 Aug 2006 at 1:41 pm Sserpent

As with all the other posts here I can’t seem to find anything about ‘mortician school’. I’m 26/f/UK and have always been facinated by the funeral arrangments of ancient cultures like the Egyptians, I have no really problems with dead human bodies as I helped to deal with the ‘cleaning up’ of both my grandparents after their passing, so I have seen the a bit of the ‘icky’ side. It’s a regular job with good pay for this day and age, and knowing what it ment to me to see my grandparents one last time looking ‘well kept’ after the mess they were in I want to do the same for those suffering the loss of a loved one.
on 04 Sep 2006 at 2:14 am Courtz

i’m 15 and i reeeeely want to train to be a mortition, i’m not sure what courses i might have to take and want 2 find out how much you get paid
on 11 Sep 2006 at 12:33 am kimberly stolze

hey im wanting to know how to become a mortition and what i needed to become one, how old i have to be, and everything else that comes along with it. thank you so much.
on 18 Sep 2006 at 8:18 pm L Fidler

I am inquireing into some infomation on becoming a mortition and/or corses.
Preferable within the UK
on 28 Sep 2006 at 3:23 pm nichi

I was wondering if it’s possble to become a mortician without being a funeral director. I have poor social skills and don’t really want to deal much with the families of the deceased. I’d prefer to work behind the scenes… is this possible?
on 29 Sep 2006 at 1:12 am Ashley

I am 14 years old and I am sure that becoming a mortician is what i want to be when i grow up.
on 04 Nov 2006 at 6:48 pm bethania romero

I would like to have part job as a mortition.Im not sure if I,want to do this as a career.Would you please do me the favor on sending me information.
on 04 Nov 2006 at 7:55 pm Simon

bethania - I’ve cut your postal address out of you comment. Don’t want you exposing yourself.
on 06 Nov 2006 at 5:46 am Nicole

i wondered if you could tell me how i become a mortition ive looked on websites and i cant find a thing about them and information, please help, im only 15 and this is what i want to train to be. I just need to know how much school u have to do. and what courses u have to take and what ur grades have to be in highschool.
thanks,
Nicole
on 25 Feb 2007 at 1:39 am lynsey milman

im 30 years old and have always been iterested in this line of work please could you give some info on how to go about it thanks
on 20 Nov 2007 at 12:14 am dontrell hall

HI,
IM A 15 YEAR OLD HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. I AM INTREASTED IN BEING A MORTICIAN WHEN IM OLDER BUT I CANT SEEM TO FIND SOME INFO ON THE COMPUTER CAN YOU PLEASE SEND ME SOME.